DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am throwing a 50th birthday party for my spouse that will include lunch, games and an open bar, which I’m paying for. (The open bar is a surprise for guests!) I’ve saved up for this party, and for the large gift I purchased: a nice, but not too extravagant, musical instrument. I am very excited.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am throwing a 50th birthday party for my spouse that will include lunch, games and an open bar, which I’m paying for. (The open bar is a surprise for guests!) I’ve saved up for this party, and for the large gift I purchased: a nice, but not too extravagant, musical instrument. I am very excited.

Doing so, and touting the open bar as a surprise, do betray some grandstanding -- drawing attention to how wonderful a host and spouse you are, rather than to the honoree. Rather, Miss Manners suggests giving the present to your spouse just before the party -- and letting them do the bragging on your behalf.